A Different Liberation

Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
And up into the stars
Joy will come
-Flyleaf, “Sorrow”

Today is my birthday. I am officially old. There is no need to state my age as those who really care know and those who don’t do not need to know. No worry though, this is not a pity party, but some kind of statement ought to be made.

Recently, circumstances in my life have caused me to undertake a real mental inventory and pursue a change in perspective. The kind of malaise of negativity that I had built up has long since suffered from diminishing returns and it is time to let certain things go.

Some readers of this blog would probably think that MOVE is at the center of my thoughts. This is not the case. What has been at the center of my world is perhaps equally destructive and certainly more painful. The dissolution of my marriage and all that comes with such a thing has largely defined my existence for the past several years and that is something that is coming to an end. Although I consider myself a rationalist, my completely irrational attachment to a doomed relationship led me to hide in Eros and lean towards Thanatos. But no more. It’s time to live agin.

Instead of breathing hostility, what has become necessary is to look at things with fresh eyes and look into just how my thoughts and more importantly my hostilities and anger affect myself and those around me. And for me anyways, it has been an unstated kind of negativity. The placid outside is but a mask that hides the tempest on the inside. It is time for peace and for the facade to drop off and a new kind of liberation to begin.

That is not to say that my goals and dedication to the truth will suffer a dissipation. The criminality of MOVE will not go un-challenged and neither will the mythology that serves to sustain the lie that is MOVE. However, how I look at MOVE in relation to myself deserves a reappraisal. There is no need for me to hate anyone in MOVE, not even it’s murderous leader Alberta Africa. If, as I have argued before, that MOVE is a cauldron of negativity, that it is an entity that mines your heart for fears and uses those fears against you, than I would be wrong to respond to MOVE in kind. The wages of hate is misery and I have hated and I have paid for that hatred and the fear that comes with it. In so many ways I have been freed from MOVE, but if I hold onto that anger than there is that much more of me that they still have. Today is a reclamation, awkward as it sounds, it is a very real thing to me.

What I need to do with this blog is to be more incisive, to get beyond the surface, and to get to the heart of the matter and not be so caught up in surface things. The children of MOVE needed to be free from their oppressors. The murderers of John Gilbride should be brought to justice. What this website needs to be is a vehicle that helps to drive towards these two most pressing matters.

That is the future of this site and my work on it. If you want to be a part of it let me know as another goal I have is to make this less about me and more focused on justice. Anyone can help.

Take care,
Tony